Retrospect

It is abundantly important to spend a significant amount of time in retrospect. What has shaped your character? What events and which people? I am certain I have crossed into raw, jaded, tainted adulthood. However, when I will begin to truly feel like an adult is a mystery to me. I still need things. I still need people. And I most certainly still need my God. I suppose I've always known that I would still crave, and lean on, all of those things. But I never imagined that such true hurt could exist in the world, let alone the fact that I could be the source of that hurt for someone else. What a bubble I've lived in! I wonder if I will ever again feel the kind of comfort I once took for granted; the free-flowing emotions I reflect on in so many of my memories. I recall sitting in a classroom in my elementary school, bundled in my sweater, dangling my feet inches above the floor... and gazing out the window, knowing that I would always be taken care of. Not only to experience the absence of troubles, but to actually cherish my every moment. I was fortunate enough to experience that kind of childhood. Now that I realize it, not a day goes by that I'm not expressly grateful for that advantage.

Even as a young child, I feared growing older. I feared the day that I would graduate, the day I would move to college, the day I would begin work in the real world, the day I would lose my first parent. I look back and realize… all these things have come to pass. I did not change the outcome of any of these events by fearing them. As I'm sitting here pondering these facts, Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind: "'For surely I know the plans I have for you', says the LORD, 'plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope'."

I am finished with worry, anxiety, and fear about the future. I will plan for the future, and look forward to it at times… but may I never be contained to it again. How many moments of joy have I missed out on by being mentally absent from the present? I wish to truly live, enjoy, and savor the time that is here now. Those times will be memories soon enough… and I will always have those to harbor and embrace.

For what it's worth, here's a plea for you to do the same.